”So bullying. We’ve all heard about it, talked about it in class and swore to never be a bully in front of everyone but…
We all lied.
Bullying is a lot more than violent physical attacks and shunning or constant teasing. Bullying can be the smallest joke or comment you make continuesly. Such a thing that you think is so harmless can hit someone like a punch in the face. Everyone has a different level of sensitivity and people fail to realize this.
I myself am a really sensitive person with extremely low confidence. At times my confidence rises, depending on how the day goes and I decide to break out of my usual quiet shell and talk with others, have fun and be social. It will all go well, sometimes for the whole day, and I’ll be happy, but one weird look at me, a small joke or the tiniest tease will break me. It wasn’t intentional, but it happened and I, a sensitive person, got hurt. These events are continous and not just for me. At one point a person like me would burst in tears once all of it builds up and that is when it begins escalating. The jokes get more common because it is amusing seeing the other person hurt and crying over something they consider nothing. For them it hurts more everytime and holding it in becomes harder. Slowly the jokes start getting meaner, little by little. Now the topic is no longer you being a crybaby, but they see something ugly in your appearance, or a tic you may have and point it out, just to ruin your day and see those tears of yours. Eventually this always leads to anxiety, stress, fear, whatever the right word it is for it. You fear those jokes and you try to find any way to avoid contact with those people, but it just keeps going and going… and going… And you just feel worse about yourself every single day, and you can’t get yourself to feel any better.
And this is how you get a victim and a bully.
It’s not here where it stops. Just so you know, teachers that have been teaching me throughout the years, such a thing as turning to an adult for help will almost never be the option for the victim. Fear of your bullies being even worse to you is what often keeps you back, while your pain and problem just grows larger and larger until it slowly starts becoming unbearable. And even if the bullies eventually get bored of it and stop, it doesn’t matter for the victim. The damage has been done and the pain is still there, haunting them.
And as for getting help, it’s a rare case. Even rarer if it works. All you can do is talk and have someone listen. Nobody can really do that much to a teenager for having them say mean words. Usually if those people are warned they call you more names and it just continues in an endless, painful and annoying cicle until you’re gone one way or another.
And what about the bullies though? What happens with them? Nothing. They live their lives carelessly and happily, unaware that they may have spent years on torturing a person to their slow coming death and they are not to blame even the slightest bit
”We were just joking!”
”It was all just friendly fun!”
”Quit being a crybaby we didn’t MEAN it!”
”As if you’ve never teased anyone.”
They do not take the blame. They do not take blame if the person is long gone as a consequence to their actions. They do not take blame for so carelessly crossing the line for their own amusement and pushing a person beyond what they can take.
And it is not the victim’s fault for not doing or saying anything about it. Because even when that is done they do not stop. They deny your pain. THEY decide what hurts you. They won’t bother appologizing or helping fix what they’ve done. They will tell you to ”toughen up”.
Nobody decides what YOU feel.